I don’t want to die; I just don’t want to exist.
I’m suicidal, but I don’t want to die.
And these questions would eventually lead me to the question, do I really want to die?
The answer, deep down, was no. And so, we held on to that to keep us going, that little glimmer of uncertainty every time we thought about ending life. If that tiny bit of unease was still there, there was a chance you were making the wrong decision.
Suicidal thoughts do not mean I want to die. They also mean
I feel trapped
I am a burden
I see no future
what’s the point in life?
Do I need to escape my thoughts?
Nothing will get better…
There was a chance that a part of you thought that things could get better. But it isn’t going to be easy. The mind had been clouded by anxiety, despair, monotony, and a relationship that was slowly destroying you.
Having brief flashes of ending your life is disturbing & is something you should speak to a mental health professional about. Ruminating about suicide constantly & forming a plan means you should seek help immediately. Not everyone who considers suicide does it, but everyone who completes a suicide thought about it first, so it’s super important to take these thoughts seriously & seek help.
It is normal to feel various feelings, including confusion, loneliness, and apathy, when struggling with suicidal thoughts. You might feel that these feelings will never end. But it is important to remember that they cannot & will not last. Like all these feelings, these will pass. Just know that you are not alone: seeking help can be the first step in alleviating the feelings and pressure of these thoughts.
Some ways to cope with these feelings are:
- Remind yourself about the good things in life: In such a state of mind, we tend to forget the positive things happening to us. Therefore, it is essential to remind ourselves & be thankful for the good things in life. Keeping a gratitude journal could be of great help. At the end of each day, read & keep adding things to this journal, no matter how small they are. Small things go a long way.
- Work on Problem Solving: A Chinese Philosopher, Lao Tzu, once said, “A journey of thousand miles, begins with a single step.” So, if your problem feels particularly large or complicated, start by taking baby steps, which will lead you in the direction of a solution. And keep in mind that there is no problem without a solution.
- Seek Human Contact: We often tend to isolate ourselves in such situations & avoid people contact. But doing the opposite would be of great help to distract yourself from negative thoughts. So go for a walk, take up a sport, go shopping.
It can feel scary, but reaching out to a mental health professional is a courageous & and essential step because suicidal thoughts are treatable through therapy & mental health medication. If reaching out to a mental health professional seems daunting, ask a trusted friend or loved one to help you find one.
A therapist or psychologist can teach you proven techniques to cope with suicidal thoughts and the issues that may be causing them and get you on the path to recovery.
Want to keep a check on your Mental Health? Check out my book ‘I am Perfect.. too’, an Anti-Anxiety Detox.
Or you can reach out to us at jyoti@cerebroplanet.com to book your counselling session or visit us at www.cerebroplanet.com
